Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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