He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
