my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
