Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
