so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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