Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
