He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize