from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
My pussy is not your playground.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Randomize
