Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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