i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
