just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Randomize
