I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Randomize
