Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Randomize
