I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
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