Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
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