I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
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