Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Randomize
