you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
