Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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