I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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