my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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