she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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