so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
