I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
You're so nebulous sometimes
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Randomize
