Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
