Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
