Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Randomize
