I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
