There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
