btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
