I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
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