Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
