My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
