'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
