On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
