i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
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