Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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