it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Found your dick twin last night
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
