well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I touched a dick in church today
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
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