my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Randomize
