Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
