i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
