The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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