Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
he laminated a picture of his dick.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Randomize
