are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
She tied me up with her honor cords...
tequila makes me forget i have legs
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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