Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Randomize
