Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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