nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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