Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
