so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
