just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize