Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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