i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
and i looked up. we had an audience...
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
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