paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
