You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Randomize
