i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
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