I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
