ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Randomize
