The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
