how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
