dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
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