OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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