thus making me awesome and them whores
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I think I sprained my soul last night
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Randomize
