Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
