I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize