Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
