My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
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