my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize